I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
