I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
