sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize