Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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