dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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