Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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