I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
