I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
