you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
