saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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