Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
