No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize