Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
