I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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