A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My dick has a subreddit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
