I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
