You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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