I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
