booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Randomize
