Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
