I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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