Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
