remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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