and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
