omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
