Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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