were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
