I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
