Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
