I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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