I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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