he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
did i just pee glitter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize