her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
