I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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