After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
