I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
