I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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