Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
