Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
