Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
