Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
