GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
