her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize