Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want nice things and good sex
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Randomize
