C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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