Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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