she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
