watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
