How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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