One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
