Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
