i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
