I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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