There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
