I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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