Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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