She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
