Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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