Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
