remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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