New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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