Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
