I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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