question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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