apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize