around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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