She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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