It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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