His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
