the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize