well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
