I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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