And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
