All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
