Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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