I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
