shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
