oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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