Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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