guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
