The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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