Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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