Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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