We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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