honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
