Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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