i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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