Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize