Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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