We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
