There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
