last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
