see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
