So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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