I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
