mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
