Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
