How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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