i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
