i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
