I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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