i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
