i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
