Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
