How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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