I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
