Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
