someone threw a dead crab at me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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