if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
